Saturday, January 26, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Disney World!
When I was about 7 . I went to Disney World , and we went to see this show there. Well my aunts sister worked there, and she worked it out so I could be in the show. The thing is I didn't know it . I was sitting in the audience waiting for the show to start. Well this lady came down and told me that Donald Duck was going to come down and get me and take me on stage. Well Donald takes me on stage ,and I’m on there with all these Disney characters. There was Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, Donald and more I can't remember. Anyways Donald leads me to this stool on stage in front of all these people...The host of the show comes over to me with his microphone and asks me stuff. I remember telling him my mommy thought he was handsome. Everyone laughed. Then he asked me if I would like to dance with all the Disney characters... So I get up and start dancing. Well my aunts sister had bought me this Daisy Duck hat ( with this duckbill sticking out of the front) That was to big for my head. So as I was dancing my hat kept Falling over my eyes, and I had to lift it up, then it would fall again. I was dancing all over the place... I was jumping and doing the splits. All the while trying to keep my hat on my head , and from covering my eyes. Everyone was laughing even the Disney Characters were laughing lol. After the show allot of people came up to me ,and told me how funny I was. I don't like doing things in front of people anymore. hahaha
Friday, January 4, 2008
Do you know how much you help?
Have you ever had a protective shell around you , and then one day, you let it crack?
That’s how feel right now. I felt I let mine shatter and now I’m left open for everyone to see. The things I was trying to hide ,everyone can now see . Is it a big deal? Well I don’t know. I sometimes forget that people don’t see things through my eyes. I forget that depression doesn’t happen with everyone as well with anxiety and panic disorder. I forget not everyone may understand it or understand you when you go through it.
I was mentally and physically abused as a child. When you are hurt emotionally it can be like any other pain. It can scar, it can effect you for the rest of your life. You may not ever get over it. All you can do is try to help yourself and try and move on, but that more easer said than done I know, but it’s easer then feeling the pain.
If you ever feel your depressed and you have no way out. Do not take it lightly call 911 or go to the hospital. You go to the ER and they will admit you right away. They don’t wait. They take you in.
Don’t ever be afraid of getting the help you need. There is also a Crisis Assist Team 1-800-4 94-7355 if you call this number there will be always someone there to talk to. The people on the Crisis Team are people who have gone through things themselves so they will know what your going through and will know how to help. They are all volunteers and there is someone there 24 7.
It was said we were a family on the message board so I feel I have to give this just in case if anyone should need it.
For a while I was afraid to come out of my room. I was afraid of people. Afraid of getting hurt. Afraid of getting maid fun of. I didn’t want to see anyone. My mom took me to see The Haygoods as a birthday present ( well late birthday present by the time the show started. lol). I didn’t want to go. They made me ,and I am so glad they did. It was the one thing I would go to and not be afraid of being out with people. I didn’t care all I wanted to see was them. They just had that something that drew me to them.
From then on that was my birthday tradition to go see The Haygoods.
It’s what I had.
After going to see them I don‘t know… I started becoming more confident. I met people of the message board. Which I would have never done before.
It’s like God sent them to me to help me. That’s how I feel, and that’s why I love them so much. That’s why say their music has done so much for me because it has. I met my best friend Ashley on the board ,and more crazy friends who make me laugh Jason, and Annette lol. I have gotten encouragement to be myself from Shawn Haygood he told me “If someone doesn’t like you for who you are then that’s their problem not yours… Don‘t worry about what they think…” That has helped more then he will ever know…
If The Haygoods can help me this way I know they can help others just with their music. I know they probably already have…
That’s how feel right now. I felt I let mine shatter and now I’m left open for everyone to see. The things I was trying to hide ,everyone can now see . Is it a big deal? Well I don’t know. I sometimes forget that people don’t see things through my eyes. I forget that depression doesn’t happen with everyone as well with anxiety and panic disorder. I forget not everyone may understand it or understand you when you go through it.
I was mentally and physically abused as a child. When you are hurt emotionally it can be like any other pain. It can scar, it can effect you for the rest of your life. You may not ever get over it. All you can do is try to help yourself and try and move on, but that more easer said than done I know, but it’s easer then feeling the pain.
If you ever feel your depressed and you have no way out. Do not take it lightly call 911 or go to the hospital. You go to the ER and they will admit you right away. They don’t wait. They take you in.
Don’t ever be afraid of getting the help you need. There is also a Crisis Assist Team 1-800-4 94-7355 if you call this number there will be always someone there to talk to. The people on the Crisis Team are people who have gone through things themselves so they will know what your going through and will know how to help. They are all volunteers and there is someone there 24 7.
It was said we were a family on the message board so I feel I have to give this just in case if anyone should need it.
For a while I was afraid to come out of my room. I was afraid of people. Afraid of getting hurt. Afraid of getting maid fun of. I didn’t want to see anyone. My mom took me to see The Haygoods as a birthday present ( well late birthday present by the time the show started. lol). I didn’t want to go. They made me ,and I am so glad they did. It was the one thing I would go to and not be afraid of being out with people. I didn’t care all I wanted to see was them. They just had that something that drew me to them.
From then on that was my birthday tradition to go see The Haygoods.
It’s what I had.
After going to see them I don‘t know… I started becoming more confident. I met people of the message board. Which I would have never done before.
It’s like God sent them to me to help me. That’s how I feel, and that’s why I love them so much. That’s why say their music has done so much for me because it has. I met my best friend Ashley on the board ,and more crazy friends who make me laugh Jason, and Annette lol. I have gotten encouragement to be myself from Shawn Haygood he told me “If someone doesn’t like you for who you are then that’s their problem not yours… Don‘t worry about what they think…” That has helped more then he will ever know…
If The Haygoods can help me this way I know they can help others just with their music. I know they probably already have…
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Im sorry mom.
People always say to be yourself. Don’t be afraid to be you, but what if the person you are scares others. When your sad or going through something they run. They run because they don’t want to be apart of your pain. Even me. I did it to my mom.
After my grandma died my mom was so sad and hurt, and she always cried because she felt alone, and she felt she had no one left.
I didn’t know what to do. My mom and real dad were also fighting a lot, and he left . So in the same year my grandmother died my mom and dad had gotten divorce. My mom was crying all the time.
I was too, but I didn’t show it. My mom would leave all the time by this point going to my great aunts or a cousins house. I went with her… Sometimes I didn’t because she had to get away from me too. When things went wrong my mom had her ways of blaming everything on me. I felt everything was my fault. Now even when things go wrong I blame everything on myself and take all the blame onto my shoulder. I mean I was the only one to blame. So she would leave a lot.
Then my great aunt had gotten sick also which was my grandmas sister. She had gotten cancer. At one point they had taken all the cancer out but by this time she was so week she got pneumonia and it killed her. When I was told I was “no this can’t happen again my grandma just passed away not long ago” but it did, and my mom was worse then ever. We never talked she was always out… I was always alone. I know my mom loves me, but in some ways I think she hates me. I wasn’t invited to her wedding with her and my step dad. They always left me out. I have been told by both I’m over too much. And the only times I was there was Thanksgiving and Christmas… I needed some medicine today from my mom and she got mad at me for needing it. Sometimes I feel like such a burden. I feel really bad about who I am and what I put her through that I don’t want to be here just to give her rest.
After my grandma died my mom was so sad and hurt, and she always cried because she felt alone, and she felt she had no one left.
I didn’t know what to do. My mom and real dad were also fighting a lot, and he left . So in the same year my grandmother died my mom and dad had gotten divorce. My mom was crying all the time.
I was too, but I didn’t show it. My mom would leave all the time by this point going to my great aunts or a cousins house. I went with her… Sometimes I didn’t because she had to get away from me too. When things went wrong my mom had her ways of blaming everything on me. I felt everything was my fault. Now even when things go wrong I blame everything on myself and take all the blame onto my shoulder. I mean I was the only one to blame. So she would leave a lot.
Then my great aunt had gotten sick also which was my grandmas sister. She had gotten cancer. At one point they had taken all the cancer out but by this time she was so week she got pneumonia and it killed her. When I was told I was “no this can’t happen again my grandma just passed away not long ago” but it did, and my mom was worse then ever. We never talked she was always out… I was always alone. I know my mom loves me, but in some ways I think she hates me. I wasn’t invited to her wedding with her and my step dad. They always left me out. I have been told by both I’m over too much. And the only times I was there was Thanksgiving and Christmas… I needed some medicine today from my mom and she got mad at me for needing it. Sometimes I feel like such a burden. I feel really bad about who I am and what I put her through that I don’t want to be here just to give her rest.
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