Im sorry mom.

People always say to be yourself. Don’t be afraid to be you, but what if the person you are scares others. When your sad or going through something they run. They run because they don’t want to be apart of your pain. Even me. I did it to my mom.
After my grandma died my mom was so sad and hurt, and she always cried because she felt alone, and she felt she had no one left.
I didn’t know what to do. My mom and real dad were also fighting a lot, and he left . So in the same year my grandmother died my mom and dad had gotten divorce. My mom was crying all the time.
I was too, but I didn’t show it. My mom would leave all the time by this point going to my great aunts or a cousins house. I went with her… Sometimes I didn’t because she had to get away from me too. When things went wrong my mom had her ways of blaming everything on me. I felt everything was my fault. Now even when things go wrong I blame everything on myself and take all the blame onto my shoulder. I mean I was the only one to blame. So she would leave a lot.
Then my great aunt had gotten sick also which was my grandmas sister. She had gotten cancer. At one point they had taken all the cancer out but by this time she was so week she got pneumonia and it killed her. When I was told I was “no this can’t happen again my grandma just passed away not long ago” but it did, and my mom was worse then ever. We never talked she was always out… I was always alone. I know my mom loves me, but in some ways I think she hates me. I wasn’t invited to her wedding with her and my step dad. They always left me out. I have been told by both I’m over too much. And the only times I was there was Thanksgiving and Christmas… I needed some medicine today from my mom and she got mad at me for needing it. Sometimes I feel like such a burden. I feel really bad about who I am and what I put her through that I don’t want to be here just to give her rest.